


boobs are always in the way

by twelve_xii



Series: hobbit fics [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, Thorin has the hots but tries to act like a gentlemen, awkward moments, boobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19965019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twelve_xii/pseuds/twelve_xii
Summary: your boobs cause a lot of problems in thorin’s company. mostly for thorin.





	1. escaping the elven perverts

This was _not _something you expected to happen when you woke up in Middle-earth a few months ago. Sure, you knew everything that was going to happen from watching the movies, but you never thought that elves would be such perverts. Embarrassed and blushing angrily, you stripped off the fur coat and outer clothes gifted to you from Thorin Oakenshield's Company. You avoided the Mirkwood guards' unapologetic eyes as they raked up and down your body without hesitation. The dwarves started shouting in anger at this, about how this was intolerable and unfair to the only female in an overwhelmingly large group of males.__

__"Can you not see that she is a woman!?" Bofur asked the guards angrily from where he and the rest of the Company were held back from pummeling the guards. You briefly lifted your head to look at him, then Thorin, both pairs of eyes burning with anger. "Show some respect, ya bastards!"_ _

__"Orders are directly from His Majesty, King Thranduil," a male guard answered with a smirk as he and the others looked up and down your body. "Strip and search for weapons, regardless of gender."_ _

__You kept your eyes glued to your boots as you tried to cover up your slightly-exposed chest with your arms. You had on the same low-cut camisole and leggings you were wearing when you fell into Middle-earth. You had decided to wear them as part of the three layers you had on to keep the cold away. You were only just now realizing that it wasn't the best idea._ _

__The guards roughly grabbed the dwarves and forced them to walk at a fast pace towards what you assumed was the King's prison. You were roughly shoved into Thorin as he passed on his way to see the King, making the two of you stumble. He steadied you by grabbing your waist, causing a blush to creep up your neck._ _

__"Was that really necessary?" you demanded with ice in your voice and fire in your eyes as Thorin released you. The guards smirked before marching the two of you off in opposite directions. You met Thorin's gaze briefly before he disappeared from your view._ _

__The farther you walked, the colder it became, making you rub your slightly shivering arms for warmth. Once thoroughly picked clean of weapons and locked in the cells, the Company rattled and threw themselves into the bars of the doors while you simply looked around your small cell. Balin told them it was no use, and eventually, everyone gave up. It grew quiet before a deep voice rang out from your right._ _

__"Lass, are you alright?" It was Dwalin, that hard-headed sweetheart. The Company was always making sure you were taken care of, no matter what. It warmed your heart, especially when everyone else joined in. "It's mighty cold down here and I ken you aren't wearin' much."_ _

__"I-I'll be f-fine," you stuttered, goosebumps racing your skin in the cool atmosphere. Dwalin cursed at your stuttering and you sighed as the others' voices called out to any nearby guards, but were silenced when two appeared escorting Thorin. They stopped in front of your cell and you looked up, startled, as the door opened and Thorin was shoved inside, missing his layers of clothes and variety of weapons. He stumbled and caught himself before he could ram into you, but only barely._ _

__"Please, could I have something to cover up with?" you asked the guards as politely as you could muster, though your anger from earlier still fiery. The guard snorted majestically and slammed the cage shut, making your blood boil. The nerve of that fucking elf! You heard rustling and looked over in time to see Thorin wrap his arms around your arms, the warmth and proximity his body provided making you blush, your anger momentarily forgotten._ _

__"Thank you, Thorin," you said quietly before bending over slightly to plant a lingering kiss on his bearded cheek. He nodded, a bit flustered, and walked towards the door, you still wrapped up in his embrace._ _

__"Did he offer you a deal?" Balin asked from his cell._ _

__"He did," the dwarven King replied with distaste, his mood fouling quickly. "I told him he could go _ish kakhfê ai'd dur rugnu. _Him and all his kin!"___ _

____"Well, that's that then," Balin said with quiet finality. "A deal...was our only hope."_ _ _ _

____"Not our only hope," Thorin said quietly, leaning forward to look out and above the prison. You suddenly remembered that Bilbo was still out there, hidden from sight by the One Ring. You weren't sure how long the dwarves were stuck in the prison for, but you hoped it was long enough to have some personal time with Thorin._ _ _ _

____Hours filled with quiet conversation passed. You sat next to the King, the closest you'd been to him in a long time, and smiled at everything he said. Truly, you were in love with him, and you hoped to any and all gods that he felt the same towards you. His actions spoke loudly of his fondness for you, yet you were hesitant due to the certainty of his future, should you choose to keep quiet about the events after Lake-town._ _ _ _

____"I wager the sun is on the rise," Bofur commented loud enough for everyone to hear, defeat in his voice. It drew you out of the conversation you were in with Thorin, as everyone had been mostly quiet. "Must be nearly dawn."_ _ _ _

____"We're never going to reach the mountain, are we?" Ori asked his eldest brother just loud enough to hear, turning away from the cell door with sadness._ _ _ _

____"Not stuck in here, you're not," a familiar voice sounded from outside your cell. You heard a slight jingling of keys and your eyes darted up to see none other than Bilbo Baggins. Your heart leaped for joy as the sight of that curly-haired hobbit, even if you knew he would come to the Company's rescue._ _ _ _

____"Bilbo!" Balin exclaimed as you jumped up from the stone bench and grabbed onto the bars of the cell door, Thorin right behind you._ _ _ _

____"Shh! There are guards nearby!" Bilbo scolded as the other dwarves started to cheer. The hobbit quickly unlocked the cells, releasing everyone. You stepped out and wrapped your arms around yourself once again. Just as goosebumps raced over your skin, a warm hand suddenly came to rest on your lower back. You looked over to see Thorin at your side with his eyes averted from you. You smiled and looked around to see the rest of the Company doing the same._ _ _ _

____"What happened to your clothes, (Y/N)?" the Hobbit asked, a bit of red staining his cheeks as he finally got a good look at you._ _ _ _

____"The guards took them, those assholes," you explained, your anger from earlier igniting again. "I'll wring their necks for robbing me of my decency." A smile tugged at Thorin's lips as Bilbo swallowed, both knowing that you'd fulfill your promise if given the chance._ _ _ _

____Dori started up the stairs with everyone following but quickly stopped when Bilbo said to follow him farther down into the prison. You walked quickly with Thorin behind you and Dwalin in front, both making sure prying eyes wouldn't see much. You were appreciative, but they couldn't do much except glare at onlookers due to the fact that you were taller than both. Bilbo slowed his advance and the Company copied as you came upon the Wardens of the prison, drunk and snoring ever so gracefully._ _ _ _

____"This way," Bilbo whispered as he walked past and motioned for you to follow._ _ _ _

____"I don't believe it—we're in their cellars!" Kíli quietly exclaimed excitedly, eyes wide and a goofy smile on his lips._ _ _ _

____"You're supposed to be leading us out, not further in!" Bofur said sourly as your group filed into a space occupied only by empty wine barrels._ _ _ _

____"I know what I'm doing-" Bilbo started to answer before Bofur loudly shushed him. You looked back at the sleeping elves, anxiety creeping into your mind even though you knew they wouldn't wake until after you escaped._ _ _ _

____"Everyone climb into the barrels, quickly," the hobbit explained with vigor, but Dwalin turned and asked Bilbo if he was mad. There was a brief uproar of defiance before Thorin said to follow the command. Each dwarf climbed into one of the thirteen barrels, leaving you standing there with your arms crossed over your chest._ _ _ _

____"What about me?" you asked quietly, worried eyes turning to Bilbo's as he contemplated. This was something you hadn't thought of._ _ _ _

____"Get in with someone," he said after a moment. At his words, almost every dwarf started whisper-yelling that you should ride with him, making Bilbo roll his eyes._ _ _ _

____"She rides with me," Thorin said with finality as he looked at you, standing there shivering slightly and blushing like mad. You nodded and briefly uncrossed your arms to climb into the barrel facing him. The barrel was short, the edge only coming up to Thorin's broad chest and your mid-back. You quickly discovered that there wasn't enough space in the barrel to make yourself decent, so you pulled your camisole up as far as you could manage._ _ _ _

____Once situated, Bofur asked Bilbo what was next. The hobbit answered that you needed to hold your breath and your heart sped up as he pulled a lever. The floor tilted and dumped all thirteen barrels into a river below, everyone exclaiming in surprise. You braced for impact as your and Thorin's barrel hit the water, but you still managed to hit your head on his._ _ _ _

____"Ow!" you exclaimed in surprise after you surfaced. You pushed your wet hair off your face and rubbed your forehead. "You've got a hard head."_ _ _ _

____"Are you alright?" Thorin asked with humor, his eyes finding yours after lingering on your chest for a moment. Your camisole was wet, making you become hyper-aware that it was now skin-tight and defined your breasts more. Honestly, you're a complete idiot for keeping it._ _ _ _

____"Yeah, sorry about that," you said sheepishly, as a blush sparked on your face again. It was only then, while standing up, you realized that Thorin's head only reached your chest. You tried to move away and only managed to put a measly two inches between you and the King. Thorin cleared his throat awkwardly and you realized that you weren't making the situation any better by wiggling around. A few whoops and wolf whistles drew your attention to Bofur and Thorin's nephews, who were waggling their eyebrows at you. You splashed at them and chuckled humorlessly in embarrassment, blush coating yours and Thorin's cheeks._ _ _ _

____The passage above opened just a moment later and Bilbo fell into the water with a yelp. Nori grabbed onto him and helped him get a hold on his barrel. Thorin praised Bilbo for his actions, then began to quickly paddle downstream while you could only grip his shoulder and the edge of the barrel to stay upright. You could hear the elven guards chasing the Company and could imagine the scene from the movie. The dwarves came upon an opening in the cave and your relief was drowned out by the sight of a waterfall. You forgot about that part._ _ _ _

____"Hold on!" Thorin called back to the Company as the two of you braced against the barrel. You shrieked as you fell over and into rapids. You heard a yelp after surfacing and looked back to see Nori struggling to keep Bilbo afloat. Thorin tried to reach out to help but the current pushed the barrel farther away. A door opening caught your eye and you saw Legolas and another elf walk out. The unfamiliar elf blew into a horn, and you and Thorin turned forward to see a guard closing the gate to freedom._ _ _ _

____"No!" Thorin yelled as the barrel thumped into the gate, followed by the rest of the Company running into you and the King. A moment later, the sound of an arrow hitting its mark and a guard groaning in pain alerted you to more danger. An animalistic growl was all you needed to know what was attacking: an orc._ _ _ _

____Sounds of fighting ensued as they poured over the walls of the elven kingdom. You watched with wide eyes as one jumped onto Bofur and another took Nori by surprise. Bilbo stabbed one as Dwalin elbowed another. You quickly realized that Kíli would jump out of his barrel to open the gate any second. You yelled at him to stop, but it was too late, as he was already on the bank of the river, fighting off orcs as he made his way to the lever. Fíli's shout let you know that he had been shot with that damn black arrow, and your heart twisted painfully when you heard him loudly groan in pain._ _ _ _

____"Kíli," Thorin said with disbelief on his face. You shared eye contact but were interrupted when a female elf ran onto the scene, followed by Legolas and other elves who were slaying orcs swiftly and gracefully. The gate suddenly opened and the barrel lurched forward and over another waterfall. You took in a gasping breath as you surfaced, once hand clutching the barrel and the other latched onto Thorin's shoulder for support. You both lurched around as you went through more rapids, Thorin's face coming in contact with your breasts more than once, even if he tried not to._ _ _ _

____Arrows whizzed by your head and lodged into the barrel as you passed by the disgusting orcs, the Mirkwood elves not far behind. Thorin pushed you back and threw a spear into an orc that jumped at Balin, effectively pinning it to a fallen tree. He caught the orc's weapon and threw it back to Dwalin, who threw it to Nori and then Kíli. The King stole an ax from a dead orc and yelled to cut a log that multiple orcs were gathering on. You ducked as he drew back and gave the ax a heavy swing into the wood, the tree breaking a moment later when Dwalin finished it off. You watched in amazement as Bombur's barrel was lifted onto a log and rolled down the bank, killing as many as twenty orcs in his path of destruction before killing even more with a weapon in each hand._ _ _ _

____You watched in slight amusement as Legolas jumped onto Dwalin and Dori's heads to shoot orcs with his bow. He jumped back onto the bank and rode an orc down a hill before jumping from dwarf to dwarf to the other side, where he tangled with an orc while another snuck up on him. Quickly, you took the ax from Thorin's hands and hurled it at the incoming orc with a shout. It lodged in its chest, killing it and perhaps saving Legolas. You watched as he shot one last orc hanging onto Dwalin's barrel and stopped at the top of the hill. You knew that it was the border of the Woodland Realm, meaning he wouldn't follow._ _ _ _

____Eventually, the Company drifted into calmer waters. You took a moment to make sure everyone was still alive and accounted for as everyone made their way towards shore. Once close enough, you and Thorin tipped the barrel and you swam out into the open water before walking up the black stone bank, the rest of the company following. To your left, Kíli groaned in pain and stumbled. You quickly clutched his waist and chest, keeping him standing for a moment._ _ _ _

____"Kíli," you said worriedly, concern painting your face. "We need to bind your wound."_ _ _ _

____"It's nothing, (Y/N), I'll be fine," he reassured you with a strained smile. He pulled away from your arms and you met Fíli's equally concerned gaze. The blonde Durin walked up and spoke softly with his brother for only a moment before Thorin was barking orders to move at the Company. Fíli bartered ten minutes to bind his brother's wound, to which you were thankful for._ _ _ _

____You sat on the edge of the bank with Ori, shivering and soaking wet, and dumped out the river water in your boots like he was. Just as the young dwarf was about to say something, probably about your lack of clothes, a shadow fell over the two of you. Looking up slowly, you see a man with an arrow notched in his longbow but not yet trained on anyone. Dwalin suddenly jumped in front of you, brandishing a tree branch in defense. The man swiftly fired the arrow at the branch, then knocked another and let it fly at the rock Kíli was about to throw, making him drop it in surprise._ _ _ _

____"Do it again, and you're dead," the man warned in a deep tenor voice, his bow and eyes trained cautiously on the dwarves, and then on you. "What is a human woman doing with a group of dwarven men? And dressed as strangely as that?"_ _ _ _

____Thorin and Dwalin immediately step in front of you defensively as Ori pulled you to your feet. You gently shrugged out of his light grasp and walked to Thorin, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked at you questioningly, and Dwalin looked ready to pounce on the man at any moment._ _ _ _

____"It's alright, everyone," you assured the Company as you met the suspicious brown eyes of the bowman. "This man is Bard. He is a bargeman from Lake-town."_ _ _ _

____He regarded you in defensive surprise and distrust, and you only offered a timid smile. "How did you come by this information? I do not know you."_ _ _ _

____The dwarves looked to you with similar expressions as they piped up in confusion. You sighed through your nose, and Thorin remembered when you told them of their portrayal in books in your world. You chose to leave out the movie adaptations for your convenience. Suddenly, a brilliant trick came to your mind and you couldn't pass up the opportunity to play it out._ _ _ _

____"True, you don't know me, but I know you," you said slowly. "I am a Soothsayer from a different land. I have seen our encounter in my visions. We are in need of food, supplies, and weapons. I know you can help us, for a price. We mean neither you nor Lake-town any harm."_ _ _ _

____Bard slowly lowered his bow and replaced the arrow in his quiver. His eyes scanned your body and you blushed, suddenly remembering that you were nearly naked by their standards. You pulled your camisole up as he looked away, obviously uncomfortable as well. After a moment of thinking, he started loading the now-empty barrels onto his barge. It seems that he had not deemed you and the dwarves as a threat, and a conversation struck up as Balin asked the dark-haired man some questions. You winced when he asked about Bard's wife, already knowing the answer. They quickly moved on, but Dwalin snapped impatiently at them, prompting the bargeman to ask what the hurry was. And of course, the tattooed dwarf was quick to become defensive._ _ _ _

____"What's it to you?" he growled menacingly. You shot him a look and he deflated a bit, but not much._ _ _ _

____"I would like to know who you are," Bard replied as he turned and walked closer to your group. "And what you are doing in these lands."_ _ _ _

____"We are simple merchants from the Blue Mountains, journeying to see our kin in the Iron Hills," Balin replied so smoothly you nearly believed the lie yourself. "The woman is (Y/N), a close friend who is accompanying us to provide clearance with her visions."_ _ _ _

____You were surprised that Balin could lie so convincingly. You were like two peas in a pod, and you felt pretty proud the two of you actually came up with all that. You felt a bit bad though, knowing that you couldn't tell Bard the truth. He was such a wonderful man, and you hoped that you could somehow warn him against the attack from Smaug._ _ _ _

____"Simple merchants and a Soothsayer, you say?" Bard echoes with humorous sarcasm. Maybe Balin wasn't as convincing as you thought. "I know where these barrels came from," he says as he walks over and runs his fingers over the arrow divots in the dark wood._ _ _ _

____"What of it?" Thorin asks with a slightly defensive edge in his voice._ _ _ _

____"I don't know what business you had with the elves, but I don't think it ended well. No one enters Laketown but by leave of the Master. All his wealth comes from trade with the Woodland Realm. He would see you in irons before risking the wrath of King Thranduil."_ _ _ _

____Bard tossed a coiled length of rope at Balin, who caught it with surprise. The dwarf made eye contact with Thorin, who quietly urged him on. Bard looked between the two before turning away and taking off his quiver._ _ _ _

____"I'll wager there are ways to enter that town unseen."_ _ _ _

____Bard paused._ _ _ _

____"Aye. But for that," he said as he set his weapon on a barrel, "you will need a smuggler."_ _ _ _

____"And for that, we will pay double," Balin said from directly next to the bargeman, making him look up in surprise. He took a moment to weigh the pros and cons before he agreed, and the Company gratefully and somewhat warily piled onto the barge. They weren't sure they could trust the man, considering they only met a handful of minutes ago._ _ _ _

____Bard set out for Lake-town a moment later, and the knowledge of the Company and Lake-town's future began to weigh heavily on your mind. Your gaze was drawn to the young Princes, watching as they spoke lowly to each other, before turning your eyes to Thorin, who was also speaking softly with a few others. They had no idea of the heartache awaiting them in Erebor, the betrayal that will be felt by all. If it was in your power, you would save Lake-town from dragon fire, save the King from himself, and save the two Princes from a gruesome and bloody fate. You were pulled from your deep and troubling thoughts as the barge slowly drew closer to the suffering town._ _ _ _


	2. sexual tension 2: electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shenanigans ensue in lake-town, including a tidbit of sexy time ;)

You shivered violently, trying to keep warm while standing on one side of the barge, but to no avail. You couldn’t help but wish your teeth would stop clicking together so you could tell Thorin to get his sweet ass over here and warm you up. You huffed out a laugh, catching Ori’s attention. He gave you a sympathetic look and you briefly smiled.

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer you to keep warm, Lady (Y/N),“ he said quietly, twiddling his thumbs.

"It’s a-alright, O-Ori,” you reply, trying to smile. “It’s th-the thought that c-counts.”

A small argument with Glóin about him hoarding coin started up and Ori walked over to see what everything was about. Glóin trailed off as every dwarf slowly started standing, one after the other, gaze fixed on the Lonely Mountain as it came into view through the thick fog hanging over the lake. The red-haired dwarf coughed up a small bag of coin just as Bard suddenly demanded his payment. When Thorin tried to refuse, the bargeman said that their freedom relied on it. That meant the Master’s spies were in close proximity, and your absolute favorite scene was just about to unfold before your eyes.

Everyone quickly clambered into the barrels, leaving you alone once again. You walked over to stand next to Bard and looked at him, then Thorin.

“W-w-what do I d-do?” you asked, your shivering making you stutter. “I-I’m too t-tall to fit in w-with one of th-them.”

Thorin cursed quietly, as if only just remembering that you had no warm clothing, and stepped forward to rub his callous hands over your arms. You smiled at his effort; he cared so much for other people and it warmed your heart.

“My deepest apologies, my lady,” he said to you, fixing you with a slightly guilty look. “I have been too caught up in my own world to remember you don’t have proper clothing to cover yourself and keep warm.” You waved his apology away, but he shook his head. “You can’t be seen looking as such in any situation.”

Movement caught your eye and you looked at Bard in the same moment he draped his coat over your shoulders. Your muscles relaxed a bit with the warmth it provided and you sighed quietly. You didn’t miss when Thorin’s jaw muscles ticked and his blue eyes hardened into ice. Once making sure you were okay, Thorin stiffly climbed into his barrel and crouched low to keep out of sight.

“You’ll have to pose as a visiting friend of mine,” Bard said quickly, adjusting the beige tunic he wore underneath.

“W-won’t me wearing your coat arouse suspicion?”

“You have a valid point,” he said, thinking as his eyes searched yours. You never noticed, but Bard’s eyes were a beautiful and warm dark brown. Friendly and comforting. “We’ll act as though we are courting, though only in the public eye. Stay here, I’ll be back in a moment.”

You nodded and watched as he docked the barge and went to converse with a fisherman. You knew what was going to happen, but hearing the dwarves and Bilbo’s quiet yet panicked commentary was too funny. You had to stop yourself from bursting out laughing when they all got fish dumped into their barrels. Bard returned to your side, and a small smile adorning his lips as you met his gaze. His weathered face made him look older than he was, but his smile made him look a handful of years younger.

It fell away, however, as he pulled the barge away from the dock and steered it towards the city gate. Groans and complaints were heard from a few barrels, so Bard stepped forward to kick the nearest one.

“Quiet,” he warned in a hushed voice. “We’re approaching the toll gate."His words effectively silenced everyone, including yourself. You watched as the iron cross-hatch of the gate came into view through the thick fog. You could almost hear the soundtrack from the movie in your head.

Percy walked out of the booth with a lantern in hand, requesting Bard’s papers. You stood silently next to Bard as the two exchanged small talk. Percy stamped the Master’s crest on each sheet when Alfrid suddenly appeared and plucked Bard’s papers out of Percy’s hands. He ordered Captain Braga and the guards to dump the barrels into the lake, claiming that they were supposed to be empty. You exchanged a look with the bargeman, then he quickly made a point about dumping fish back into the water when the people of Lake-town are starving. Alfrid’s jaw ticked as Bard said something about riots starting, and he called off the guards. You smiled, unintentionally catching the attention of the Master’s right hand.

"And who might you be, beautiful?” the man asked as he circled around to your back. He looked over your shoulder and down your shirt, getting an eye-full of your bust as he ran his hand up your arm. Uncomfortable and blushing angrily, you pulled the coat tighter around your chest and was milliseconds from throwing that skank off the barge when a deep voice stopped you.

“The woman I am courting,” Bard answered for you as Alfrid suddenly stiffened, becoming uneasy. He scurried around in front of you as the bargeman draped his arm over your shoulder protectively. Your heart beat just a little faster at your close proximity, but you shook it off when you realized that you had imagined Thorin doing so instead of Bard. You pulled on a convincing smile and wrapped your arm around the bargeman’s waist.

“(First Name) (Last Name), at your service,” you say with a respectful bow of your head. Alfrid looked uncertainly between the two of you and he reminded you of a dog who was caught chewing his master’s slippers. No pun intended. You could almost see his tail between his legs as he backed off.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t ogle my future wife,” Bard warned in a warning tone.

“Of course,” Alfrid murmured sourly. “Congratulations to you both.” He and the Master’s guards sauntered off, the former none-too-happy with the situation. You put some space between you and Bard as soon as he was out of sight, making Percy shoot a questioning look at you. Bard placed a few coins in his hand and grabbed his papers before heading back to the rudder. Percy nodded in understanding and yelled for the gate to open. The barge slipped silently through, and the Company of Thorin Oakenshield was one step closer to Erebor.

As Bard steered the barge through the maze of waterways that was Lake-town, you stood next to him and admired the homes and shops that looked in desperate need of repair and a fresh coat of paint. The buildings were a lot closer than you would think, so much so that you were getting a little claustrophobic. Everyone seemed to be wearing scraps of clothing haphazardly stitched together and there wasn’t a single smile on the faces you passed. Deciding to get your mind off the poverty and depression of Lake-town, you turned to Bard, catching his eye.

“I, uh, want to thank you,” you started out a little awkwardly. “For saving me from Alfrid. I was sure he was gonna start feeling me up any second.” Bard smiled discreetly and looked down at you, amusement in his eyes.

“There have been many a victim of Alfrid’s incessant pestering. Besides,” he said, smoothly transitioning into your faux fiancé as the barge neared a dock crowded with people, “how could I let my love endure that kind of treatment?”

“Of course, my darling,” you say, catching on quickly. Bard steered it past the dock, however, and opted for one slightly hidden from prying eyes. He offered you his hand and you accepted it as you stepped onto the dock. He told you to wait there while he helped the Company out of the barrels. You nodded and watched as he quickly went back and pushed over a couple of barrels and pulled Bilbo up. The poor hobbit was covered in fish scales and looked miserable. You ushered him over and he walked cautiously to you.

“Are we really in a safe location?” he asks you quietly, apprehensively, eyes darting around his surroundings before landing on your own.

“No, but then again, there isn’t really a safe place in Lake-town,” you say, turning to look at Dwalin as Bard tried to help him out. That stubborn old man looked ready to bite his hand off. He and the rest of the Company pulled themselves out of the barrels and gathered around you on the dock. You smiled when Thorin’s icy blue eyes met yours and moved to stand in front of him. He looked relieved, but it quickly washed away to confusion when he saw what you were wearing.

“Why are you still in possession of the bargeman’s coat?” he asked with a pinched tone, as if trying not to get angry. You rolled your eyes at his question.

“It’s cold, Thorin,” you answered, pulling the coat tighter around yourself for emphasis. “Bard noticed and was ever so kind enough to lend it to me until I can get something else.”

“I don’t see how that’s a valid excuse to wear his clothing,” he murmured a bit harshly, looking down your body unabashedly. “In dwarven culture, it’s an extremely intimate action that suggests that you have slept with him.”

“Thorin!” you whisper shouted at him, slapping his shoulder. What had gotten into him? Why was he reacting so strangely over you wearing Bard’s coat? Realization suddenly dawned on you and you leveled the dwarf with narrowed eyes and a smirk. “Are you jealous of Bard?”

Thorin froze for a mere second, but it was all you needed.

“You are!“ you exclaimed as Bard walked past you to get to the front of the group. He shushed you and placed a hand on your upper arm. You apologized, blushing a bit at being too loud. Thorin, however, had a different idea. "We’ll talk about this later, Thorin.” He seethed in silence, a death glare directed at the bargeman, who offered you his arm.

“Listen up, y'all,” you said quietly, gaining the Company’s attention. Bofur wolf-whistled lowly when he caught sight of you and Bard and you rolled your eyes. “Bard and I have to pose as a courting couple while we’re in the public eye so as to not raise suspicion, alright?”

“Stay close,” Bard said after their nods of acknowledgment, then started leading you and the Company away from the barge. “Follow me.”

Guilt started to eat at you as you weaved your way through the maze of Lake-town’s side streets. You could feel Thorin’s eyes burning into the back of your head and you desperately wanted to tell him that there was absolutely nothing between you and Bard.

“What is this place?” you hear Bilbo ask from behind you.

“This, Master Baggins, is the world of Men,” Thorin responds sourly. He wasn’t happy about anything in this situation, and he wasn’t afraid to let it be known.

“Keep your heads down, keep moving,” Bard says as he stops and allows the Company to walk ahead of the two of you. As they file by, a guard suddenly points at Bard and called for the Company to stop in the name of the Master. Your eyes widened; you didn’t remember this from the movie.

“Come on, move!” Thorin urged, and he rushed in the opposite direction with your companions close behind. Another guard stood in the way, and as Thorin tried to back up, the narrow path quickly becoming bottlenecked. The dwarves were quick to knock out a few guards who rushed at them, but the Captain of the Guard arrived with reinforcements, commanding the townspeople to stay where they are. You quickly hid next to Bard as the Company found their own hiding spots, a few with oars for weapons, and waited with bated breath as the guards slowly walked through the busy market. Bard grabbed your hand and told you to play along as he swiftly walked out in front of the Captain.

“Braga!” Bard greeted, faux surprise on his face. He was pretty good at acting, you weren’t gonna lie.

“You…what’re you up to, Bard?” Braga asked with suspicion. His eyes flicked to you and you gave him a smile in return. Perhaps he’ll think you’re some air-headed woman who’s head over heels for the bargeman?

“Me?” Bard repeated. “Nothing. We’re up to nothing.”

Braga became impatient and pushed the two of you out of the way, looking into the alley where the Company was expertly hiding.

“Hey Braga,” Bard said as he let go of your hand to hold up a white top. “Your wife would look lovely in this.”

“Picked it out myself,” you commented, giggling behind your hand. He regarded you, and then Bard suspiciously for a silent moment.

“How do you know my wife?”

“I know her as well as any man in this town,” Bard replies with innocence. That struck a chord with the Captain. He tore the shirt out of Bard’s hands and threw it to the ground before walking away angrily. Quickly regrouping with the Company, you took off in a back alley, headed towards Bard’s house. Just before you could cross over to another street, Bard’s only son, Bain, suddenly called out from a little ways away. He ran over to his father, who placed his hands on his son’s shoulders and smiled.`

“Bain, what are you doing here?” Bard asked, looking into his boy’s eyes.

“Our house, it’s being watched,” his son said quickly, panting as if he had run all over town to find his father. Bard looked around and the wheels started turning in his head as he thought of what to do. He quickly grabbed your hand and spoke lowly to you and Bain, creating a plan to fool the network of the Master’s spies.

After sharing his plan with the Company, you split ways, with Thorin looking livid as you wrapped your arm around Bard’s. You walked all over town, going back into the market to purchase some groceries, then headed towards Bard’s home as inconspicuously as the three of you could manage. You and Bard honestly looked like a pretty legit couple, and Bain looked a bit lost with the whole act, but he still did well. After climbing the stairs to Bard’s home, you made eye contact with the bargeman and grabbed an apple from the bag of groceries. After whistling to catch the attention of the two fishermen sitting in a boat below the deck, you tossed the fruit down and one of the men caught it.

“You can tell the Master we’re done for the day,” Bard said as he opened the door and allowed you to step in first. You walked in and moved to the end of the table to allow room for Bard and Bain. You first noticed the warmth of their home. It was inviting, comforting, and reminded you of your own home. It smelled wonderful, as if something had been cooking all day. You next noticed a young woman and a young girl preparing supper in the kitchen directly in front of you. You smiled as you recognized Sigrid and Tilda, Bard’s daughters.

“Da, I was worried sick!” Sigrid greeted her father excitedly, hurrying over to hug him tightly with Tilda following. The girls turned and regarded you with questioning looks. “Who is this, Da? A friend?”

Tilda suddenly let out a joyous gasp, mouth wide open and eyes sparkling. Startled, you looked at her with a humorous smile.

“Da, are you courting her?!” she asked excitedly, looking between the two of you and tugging on Bard’s sleeve. You laughed at her father’s expression, meeting his eyes as he cleared his throat awkwardly.

“No, Tilda, we’re simply posing as such to trick the Master’s guards,” you say with a warm smile directed at her. She faltered a moment, then furrowed her brows.

“How do you know my name?”

“I’m a Soothsayer from a far land,” you reply with a wink. “My name is (Y/N). It’s very nice to meet you both.” The sisters looked stunned and a little excited at this prospect. You met Bard’s amused eyes and shared a smile with him.

“You mean you can see the future?” Sigrid asked a bit timidly. “Will you tell me what mine will be like?”

“Perhaps later, Sigrid dearest, but right now we have things to do,” you say as you start to take of Bard’s coat. Tilda gasped quietly, Sigrid chuckled uncomfortably, and Bain looked down with a blush on his cheeks as you hand the coat back to its owner. Bard takes it, then clears his throat and pushes his son towards the opposite end of the room.

“Bain, go get them,” he says as he hangs the coat up. “Sigrid, could you get (Y/N) one of your mother’s dresses? And Tilda, help me make tea. We need fourteen mugs for our guests.”

Sigrid nodded and took off towards the stairs leading up. Tilda skipped over to the other side of the kitchen with a grin, her father following. Moments later, Dwalin appeared on the steps, dripping wet and looking angry as always.

"Blankets are to your left,” Bard calls to you as he grabs two mugs from the cupboard. You find a stack neatly folded and quickly hand Dwalin one, then Bilbo and the rest of the dwarves as they appear on the steps, a thank you on their lips the moment you do. Last to appear was, of course, Thorin. As soon as he set his eyes on you, he looked relieved but still slightly angry. You thought it might’ve been because Bard’s coat wasn’t wrapped around your body. You walked over and handed the last blanket to him, avoiding his eyes as you did so.

“(Y/N),” he greeted somewhat coldly. You rolled your eyes and were about to set off on him, but Sigrid interrupted, telling you that she found a dress. You told Thorin you needed to talk as soon as you came back, then followed Sigrid to change.

After Sigrid shut the door on her way out, you let out a loud sigh and ran a hand through your crazy hair. You quickly changed into the dress and looked at yourself in the full-length mirror. It was a beautiful dark blue fabric with silver and white accents along the bodice. It definitely accented the curve of your breasts, waist, and hips, and you had a feeling that Sigrid chose this dress for a reason. You really needed to explain that you were interested in Thorin, not Bard, even if the bargeman was very handsome and kind. You quickly brushed and braided your hair, leaving a few strands loose at the sides of your face, then took one last look in the mirror. The dress looked like it had been expensive; perhaps an anniversary gift from Bard to his wife. You grew worried that Bard would be angry that you were wearing it as you walked down the stairs. You could hear what sounded like the start of an argument over weapons, and you rolled your eyes, remembering the scene from the movie.

“We paid you for weapons, not hammers and pikes!” Glóin said loudly as whoever was holding a weapon tossed it on the table.

“All weapons are kept under lock and key in the armory,” Bard defended as the uproar crested.

“Give the man a break!” you yelled over the noise as you stepped off the last stair. It quieted considerably as seventeen pairs of eyes turned to look at you. “He’s already risked his neck to smuggle us all in, not to mention housing us and providing clothing and food. Show some god damn appreciation.” A few in the Company looked a bit, dare you say, embarrassed at your words, and murmured their thanks. Bard looked impressed and nodded to you in appreciation. Tilda suddenly ran up to you and grasped your hand excitedly.

“You look amazing, (Y/N)!”

“Oh, uh, thank you, sweetheart,” you say as a light blush dusted your cheeks. “Your mother’s dress fits me well.”

“I’ll say!” exclaimed Nori from a few paces away. You narrowed your eyes at him playfully and he managed to wag his eyebrows at you before Dori slapped the back of his head. Tension seemed to dissipate as laughter filled the air. You met Thorin’s eyes and you motioned for him to join you as Tilda went back to preparing supper with Sigrid. Thorin walked up to you at the same time Bard passed by.

“Bard, is there somewhere Thorin and I can speak privately?” you asked.

“Sigrid and Tilda’s room, if you wish.”

You thanked him and started back up the stairs, Thorin following quietly. You walked into the girls’ room and held the door open for the King before shutting it quietly behind him. As you turned to face him, he suddenly pushed you against the door, his hands braced on either side of your shoulders. You gasped in surprise and at his lustful gaze trained on you as he drew near.

“Thorin, what—”

“Do you enjoy tormenting me so?” he interrupted in a deep and deadly voice that sent delicious shivers down your spine. Your heart rate and breathing spiked as millions of outcomes of this situation sped through your head. “It was not in your power to stop the elves from stealing your dignity, but it was when you accepted that man’s personal clothing and acted as though you were courting.”

“Thorin, you’re overreacting,” you huffed as you rolled your eyes. “You know full well our interaction was nothing but that—an act!”

Thorin growled and suddenly pulled you down to kiss you roughly, making you gasp and melt into him, your eyes sliding closed a moment later. He took the advantage to wrap his arms around your waist and pick you up, not letting up on the assault on your mouth, and placed you on the bed roughly. He climbed up after you and knelt between your legs, one hand latching onto your hip as he kissed you with bruising intent. One of your hands slipped up to the back of the dwarf’s head and tangled in his thick black hair while the other scratched down his muscular back. Even through the fabric of his tunic, it seemed to spark something inside him. He broke away from you and opted to kiss and nip over your jaw and down your neck instead.

“Have you no idea…how I have longed for you?” he asked in between kisses, his deep voice sending more shivers down your spine. “The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were my One. Seeing you…with that man…set my temper aflame.”

He drew a quiet moan of appreciation when he sucked on a particular soft spot. He took notice and immediately abused your delicate skin, making you cry out softly and give his hair a light tug. He raised his eyes to yours to find you looking down at him with your bottom lip between your teeth and a blush coating your cheeks. The sight of you in this state due to his actions made him smirk. This was nothing, yet you were fidgeting like a virgin.

“And after seeing you dressed so scantily in Mirkwood,” he started as he pulled himself up to loom over you. He trailed one hand through the valley between your breasts and stopped at the curve of your hip, making goosebumps erupt all over your body. “Mahal, I could barely keep my hands to myself.”

“Th-Thorin,” you said quietly, your voice somewhat shaky due to the treatment the King was giving your neck a moment ago. “We need to stop before someone walks in on us!”

Thorin chuckled. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“I am aware, amrâlimê,” Thorin said with a gentle voice and he crawled off the bed and helped you stand up. He placed a hand on the small of your back and guided you to the door, opening it then standing behind you. You were feeling a little confused and kind of horny from your passionate make-out session a few moments ago, but you fixed your hair a bit and turned up the collar of the dress when you caught sight of a large purple hickey in the mirror. “The Company is awaiting their King and Soothsayer for guidance. I will warm your bed when we have more privacy, you have my word.”

You swallowed a bit as you stepped out of the room and started down the stairs, praying to any and all gods that no one had heard your little exchange upstairs. You had your answer when you stepped into the main room and sixteen pairs of eyes met yours.

You’ll never live this down.


End file.
